So there's about two weeks left of the quarter and I'm feeling pretty burned out. I'm slowly entering an apathetic state of mind where I watch TV and nap on the couch. It's like when you're running on the treadmill and you've only got 5 minutes left and you're about to complete your third mile and you just keep thinking--well I'm sweaty enough now right? But no, you truly have to push yourself to keep the pace and finish what you started. It's the hardest 5 minutes of the day. I'm about to enter the hardest two weeks EVER.
A lot of my work this quarter has involved an incredible amount of emotionally charged material. I'm very happy with just about every project and look forward to seeing them completed (on time!). But I really hope that releasing this emotional energy will allow my next quarter to be bit more light-hearted and fun.
I think I will indulge in some comfort food: a fat juicy Wendy's #4, no onions, with a coke!
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Green eggs and Drag Queens
If I learned one thing this past Sunday it's to never leave home without my camera. Especially when I've been invited to attend a brunch with a bunch of drag queens, strippers, and the drag queen equivalent to groupies. If I had to sum up this experience in one word it would have to be WhatTheFuck!!!
First off, let me premise this explanation by stating that the dude that invited me was very sweet to do so, considering my newness to the gay scene here in Atlanta, but also given my alleged low status in the gay scene. Until Sunday, I wasn't quite aware that I even had a status in the gay scene! Those who know me well know that I pretty much hate the gay scene. I've even blogged about it a few times. Well let me rephrase that, I really don't like to be immersed in it. Sure those boys know how to have a good time, but that's just about it.
So Sunday morning, I find the restaurant, park the car, and walk into the lion's den! Within the first five seconds of approaching the very long table made up of smaller tables that were just pushed together, I am met with about twenty-five matte finished faces all asking the same questions to themselves: who the fuck is that? I approach my inviter who was the head of this super-gay social hour. He introduced to me to everyone around me, and that was pretty much the extent of the conversation that I had with everyone!
Something happens to me when I'm around people like that. I climb back into myself and don't say a word unless there is actually something to say. I'm usually pretty good with the small talk and shmoozing, but such was not the case on Sunday morning. It's fair to say that those at the table with me were probably just responding to my standoffish behavior. It's just that I wasn't able to contribute even small talk to the conversations going on around me, which consisted of hilarious recounts of the night before, gossip on "some tragic queen", or splenda-sweetend comments about someone’s D&G sunglasses. I didn't know any of the clubs they were talking about because I don't really go out that much, I didn't know any of the people they were talking about because they didn't attend Portfolio Center! and I think it's ridiculous to spend $500.00 on sunglasses--or any article of clothing for that matter! Of course I couldn't interject these comments into their conversation, because that would've further alienated myself from the group.
So about a good twenty minutes of eaves dropping on conversations, the six people sitting around me have now moved away from me, breaking off into their own little group, leaving me sitting alone at an empty table. I was panic struck, and refused to move. Probably a mild to moderate case of social anxiety has now set in, and I want to walk out and forget that I even attempted to socialize with the gays! Suddenly, I hear one guy utter "Oh yeah, I'm writing a book on...." excited by the idea of someone working on something involving their mind and not their dick, my eyes shoot over to him as I leaned in to ask "what are you writing a book on!!!?" Only to be met with a dead-pan stare as he informed me that he was being sarcastic--this from that guy that had just spilled his ice water down the right side of my leg ten minutes prior--NICE!
It's clearly not going well when my inviter approaches me and states the obvious "my goodness Kevin, you're quite! You're making me nervous being all quiet. Hey so-and-so, isn't Kevin making you nervous being all quiet over here!!!" It took the force of God's hand covering my mouth to prevent me from letting him know exactly what I was thinking, though my facial expression and body language said it all. It was at this point that one of the guys to my left started mouthing something to me as he smiled. It was hard to make out what he was saying, as he was wearing helmet-like sunglasses that covered 96% of his entire face--yeah it was weird. So I ask him "what!!?--and smile." He then let me know pretty quickly, that he was talking to the person behind me! GREAT!
So now I'm sitting there, feeling pretty humiliated, and I decide that I should just be myself and say fuck it. So I did. And this is what happened. I turn to my inviter and, in jest, ask him "did I see you with a doo rag on the other day?" My accusation was sarcastic yet playful. His faced dropped and eyes pierced mine as he told me "it was stocking cap--not a doo-rag!" "Is there a difference?" I asked. "YES!" A doo-rag is something you tie around your head, a stocking cap just slips over it" he informed me. WELL SHIT. FUCK. WELL ALRIGHT!!
At this point I had nothing to loose so I ordered a very STRONG mimosa and started to drink my way into their club. I suppose the alcohol loosened me up a bit, because before the brunch was over, I was chatting with one of the guys about his $12.00 hat from Target and puffing on a cigarette. I had given in. I assumed the role that I hate to be, which is caddy, chatty, gay. My conversations started by asking "OMG, where did you get those shoes, they're fucking great!" Bla Bla Bla! I guess is some social situations we always have to alter ourselves just to "make it through the hour" but man I really fucking hate that shit.
I don't think I'll be asked back to Sunday brunch!
First off, let me premise this explanation by stating that the dude that invited me was very sweet to do so, considering my newness to the gay scene here in Atlanta, but also given my alleged low status in the gay scene. Until Sunday, I wasn't quite aware that I even had a status in the gay scene! Those who know me well know that I pretty much hate the gay scene. I've even blogged about it a few times. Well let me rephrase that, I really don't like to be immersed in it. Sure those boys know how to have a good time, but that's just about it.
So Sunday morning, I find the restaurant, park the car, and walk into the lion's den! Within the first five seconds of approaching the very long table made up of smaller tables that were just pushed together, I am met with about twenty-five matte finished faces all asking the same questions to themselves: who the fuck is that? I approach my inviter who was the head of this super-gay social hour. He introduced to me to everyone around me, and that was pretty much the extent of the conversation that I had with everyone!
Something happens to me when I'm around people like that. I climb back into myself and don't say a word unless there is actually something to say. I'm usually pretty good with the small talk and shmoozing, but such was not the case on Sunday morning. It's fair to say that those at the table with me were probably just responding to my standoffish behavior. It's just that I wasn't able to contribute even small talk to the conversations going on around me, which consisted of hilarious recounts of the night before, gossip on "some tragic queen", or splenda-sweetend comments about someone’s D&G sunglasses. I didn't know any of the clubs they were talking about because I don't really go out that much, I didn't know any of the people they were talking about because they didn't attend Portfolio Center! and I think it's ridiculous to spend $500.00 on sunglasses--or any article of clothing for that matter! Of course I couldn't interject these comments into their conversation, because that would've further alienated myself from the group.
So about a good twenty minutes of eaves dropping on conversations, the six people sitting around me have now moved away from me, breaking off into their own little group, leaving me sitting alone at an empty table. I was panic struck, and refused to move. Probably a mild to moderate case of social anxiety has now set in, and I want to walk out and forget that I even attempted to socialize with the gays! Suddenly, I hear one guy utter "Oh yeah, I'm writing a book on...." excited by the idea of someone working on something involving their mind and not their dick, my eyes shoot over to him as I leaned in to ask "what are you writing a book on!!!?" Only to be met with a dead-pan stare as he informed me that he was being sarcastic--this from that guy that had just spilled his ice water down the right side of my leg ten minutes prior--NICE!
It's clearly not going well when my inviter approaches me and states the obvious "my goodness Kevin, you're quite! You're making me nervous being all quiet. Hey so-and-so, isn't Kevin making you nervous being all quiet over here!!!" It took the force of God's hand covering my mouth to prevent me from letting him know exactly what I was thinking, though my facial expression and body language said it all. It was at this point that one of the guys to my left started mouthing something to me as he smiled. It was hard to make out what he was saying, as he was wearing helmet-like sunglasses that covered 96% of his entire face--yeah it was weird. So I ask him "what!!?--and smile." He then let me know pretty quickly, that he was talking to the person behind me! GREAT!
So now I'm sitting there, feeling pretty humiliated, and I decide that I should just be myself and say fuck it. So I did. And this is what happened. I turn to my inviter and, in jest, ask him "did I see you with a doo rag on the other day?" My accusation was sarcastic yet playful. His faced dropped and eyes pierced mine as he told me "it was stocking cap--not a doo-rag!" "Is there a difference?" I asked. "YES!" A doo-rag is something you tie around your head, a stocking cap just slips over it" he informed me. WELL SHIT. FUCK. WELL ALRIGHT!!
At this point I had nothing to loose so I ordered a very STRONG mimosa and started to drink my way into their club. I suppose the alcohol loosened me up a bit, because before the brunch was over, I was chatting with one of the guys about his $12.00 hat from Target and puffing on a cigarette. I had given in. I assumed the role that I hate to be, which is caddy, chatty, gay. My conversations started by asking "OMG, where did you get those shoes, they're fucking great!" Bla Bla Bla! I guess is some social situations we always have to alter ourselves just to "make it through the hour" but man I really fucking hate that shit.
I don't think I'll be asked back to Sunday brunch!
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Hard Things vs. Easy Things
Hard thing: Blogging on a regular basis
Okay first off--MAD props to those who keep their blog updated on a regular basis! Finding the time to do it every day is pretty much not happening for me this quarter. I'm much more focused on the work this time around. Some particular mad props go out to to Trochlle and Minus5 for keeping their blogs updated ALWAYS! (I apologize for not inserting links to their blogs--still haven't figured out how to do it!) While the act of blogging is fun and self-fulfilling, finding the time to sit down and do it is easier said than done.
Easy Thing: Working out and eating right
So for the past, oh, two years I've been swinging back and forth from eating really well and running every day to feasting on Luck Charms while using my entire body as upholstery for my couch (usually watching Alias DVDs!) I'm pretty much okay with this too. I enjoy both time-fillers equally, and I think it's important to indulge in the Luck Charms and Alias DVDs, as long as it's not excessive. For the past two weeks I've been on the eat-right-and-run-a-lot side of the pendulum. And it's getting a little easier each time, probably because I feel more motivated then I've ever felt in the past two years. I'm pretty convinced that this new found motivation to physically improve myself is the positive affect of attending PC and investing my emotions and thoughts into my work. attending PC is like drinking green tea for me. Green tea helps clear out all of the toxins in your body. Attending PC has given me the opportunity (and permission) to clear out all the "emotional toxins" of my mind. Now that sounds pretty drug-store psycology-like. Probably because it is! But nonetheless, it's how I'm feeling.
Hard Thing: Taking the trash out
I HATE TAKING THE TRASH OUT! I just hate doing it. The way the apt. complex is set up, there's only one place to empty throw trash away, and it's on the other side of the property. Granted, the other side of the property is about 200 yards from my front door, but it's still a PAIN IN THE ASS! Not to mention that attending PC has also increased the amount of trash I "consume"--i.e. paper scraps and ink cartridge packaging. I wish that the city of Atlanta could remove my trash from my front door for me.
Hard Thing: doing laundry
I hate it. I just hate it. Now I know the CoHo Apartments will do it for free, all I have to do is drop it off, but you can only do one load a day, and I'm more of a do-it-all-at-once type of launder.
Easy Thing
Buying songs on itunes! I love how easy it is. but i hate how easy it is. because i spend a lot of money on there. Since my itune's inception into my life in 2004 I have spent about $1,000 on music. Which, I don' think is too bad over the course of three years. That's about $333.00 a year on music. Not bad! Thanks itunes!!
Hard thing: defining my lower-abs
OUCH! that shit is hard and it's not fun while I'm doing it! but it does feel great afterwards!
Hard thing: figuring out how to check the power steering fluid levels in my beloved VW. Yes, I've checked the manual and there's nothing in it that alludes to how to check it. I'm just going to have to roll up to the dealer and ask; then i'll have to figure out a way to grow my balls back!!
Hard thing: killing roaches:
every now and then I'll find a roach--it's almost always already dead. But last night this shitter was alive and kicking. and I freaked out!! A LOT. I grabbed the 409 and soaked the bitch! It JUST died this morning. I hate it.
Okay first off--MAD props to those who keep their blog updated on a regular basis! Finding the time to do it every day is pretty much not happening for me this quarter. I'm much more focused on the work this time around. Some particular mad props go out to to Trochlle and Minus5 for keeping their blogs updated ALWAYS! (I apologize for not inserting links to their blogs--still haven't figured out how to do it!) While the act of blogging is fun and self-fulfilling, finding the time to sit down and do it is easier said than done.
Easy Thing: Working out and eating right
So for the past, oh, two years I've been swinging back and forth from eating really well and running every day to feasting on Luck Charms while using my entire body as upholstery for my couch (usually watching Alias DVDs!) I'm pretty much okay with this too. I enjoy both time-fillers equally, and I think it's important to indulge in the Luck Charms and Alias DVDs, as long as it's not excessive. For the past two weeks I've been on the eat-right-and-run-a-lot side of the pendulum. And it's getting a little easier each time, probably because I feel more motivated then I've ever felt in the past two years. I'm pretty convinced that this new found motivation to physically improve myself is the positive affect of attending PC and investing my emotions and thoughts into my work. attending PC is like drinking green tea for me. Green tea helps clear out all of the toxins in your body. Attending PC has given me the opportunity (and permission) to clear out all the "emotional toxins" of my mind. Now that sounds pretty drug-store psycology-like. Probably because it is! But nonetheless, it's how I'm feeling.
Hard Thing: Taking the trash out
I HATE TAKING THE TRASH OUT! I just hate doing it. The way the apt. complex is set up, there's only one place to empty throw trash away, and it's on the other side of the property. Granted, the other side of the property is about 200 yards from my front door, but it's still a PAIN IN THE ASS! Not to mention that attending PC has also increased the amount of trash I "consume"--i.e. paper scraps and ink cartridge packaging. I wish that the city of Atlanta could remove my trash from my front door for me.
Hard Thing: doing laundry
I hate it. I just hate it. Now I know the CoHo Apartments will do it for free, all I have to do is drop it off, but you can only do one load a day, and I'm more of a do-it-all-at-once type of launder.
Easy Thing
Buying songs on itunes! I love how easy it is. but i hate how easy it is. because i spend a lot of money on there. Since my itune's inception into my life in 2004 I have spent about $1,000 on music. Which, I don' think is too bad over the course of three years. That's about $333.00 a year on music. Not bad! Thanks itunes!!
Hard thing: defining my lower-abs
OUCH! that shit is hard and it's not fun while I'm doing it! but it does feel great afterwards!
Hard thing: figuring out how to check the power steering fluid levels in my beloved VW. Yes, I've checked the manual and there's nothing in it that alludes to how to check it. I'm just going to have to roll up to the dealer and ask; then i'll have to figure out a way to grow my balls back!!
Hard thing: killing roaches:
every now and then I'll find a roach--it's almost always already dead. But last night this shitter was alive and kicking. and I freaked out!! A LOT. I grabbed the 409 and soaked the bitch! It JUST died this morning. I hate it.
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