For one of my classes this quarter I have to develop a 30,000 word book on any topic of my choice. I've decided to do my book on homosexuality. The point of the book is to give gay men a healthier approach to their sexuality. I choose this topic because I think that self-hatred and internal homophobia is a reoccurring theme in the lives of many gay men in America. Today's social climate can easily be said to be "more accepting" of homosexuality then ten years ago. While this may be true, I believe there is a lot more work to be done if gay men ever want to be viewed as more than just a bunch of silly fashion experts parading around with rainbow flags. In other words, I think there is a true chance that gay men and women can be eventually looked upon as an "us" rather than a "them".
One could argue that shows like Will & Grace and Queer Eye For the Straight Guy have worked wonders for the gay community, by putting them in public view and pulling them out of the proverbial closet. While there is truth to this statement, I don't think it's enough. These shows simply took existing stereotypes within the gay community, repackaged it, and sold back to audiences. I"ll admit, that as I was going through my own coming out, I felt an odd obligation to these stereotypes. I think many gay men lack the ability to fully develop their identity because their sexuality becomes the strongest, most influential part of their personal development.
A few months ago I went to a local gay bar in Atlanta with a bunch of friends. My friend M and I looked around the bar and she made a very relevant observation: all the guys seem to look and act the same. In this one observation she totally pin pointed the most frustrating thing I feel about the gay "community". There are so many gay men out there who simply haven't developed themselves past their sexuality, and, as a result have seemed to completely loose who they are as people. I know many many men who "suffer" from this, and they eventually end up resenting the gay community and lamenting the whole bar scene.
It's been my experience that the gay community is really only a community if you follow certain guidelines and stereotypes. Stereotypes that seem to be set by a fraction of gay men, yet reinforced and perpetuated by the masses--both gay and not gay. The result for those who do not fit this criteria is often pushed into further isolation from other gay guys, or "cornered" into a different "category" of this community we call gay. For example, there is a whole "BEAR" culture that exists within the gay community. You could easily describe a "bear" of a guy to be somewhat overweight and hairy--hence the term "bear". Then you have the antithesis of this in what is referred to as a Twink in the gay community. A twink is a slim guy raging from 18-23 years old, has bleached blond hair, 0% body fat as well as 0% body hair. Most bears and most twinks don't really get along (at least in my experience). I never quite understood why these two group of guys don't get along. But it happens. A LOT!
It's because of these ridiculous social dynamics within the gay community that leads me to believe there's got to be a healthier way to be gay. It doesn't have to be about who fits in where and on what terms. In my opinion, being part of a gay community should be about being there for one another when other people in your lives can't be there for you. It should mean that you can turn to the gay community for help and support when the rest of the world can't quite relate to your personal struggles. It shouldn't mean that we further divide ourselves into categories and further alienate ourselves from one another. I like to think that if the gay community was able to be more open to each other, then maybe we wouldn't have the suicide rate that we have. And maybe guys would think twice before using crystal meth or any other drug for that matter. And finally, it could mean that we could all simply be ourselves, without feeling like we have to fit into some bullshit category.
It's hard enough to be openly gay in our world today. But it's even harder to be gay within the gay community.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Monday, January 07, 2008
There really isnt't a good title for this one...
PREFACE: I've had a little bit to drink tonight....
I love nights like tonight. As cliched as it may sound, I feel like I'm on the verge of a new great phase of my life--there have been so many!!! But right now, tonight, I love being at school, and I love all the people I've met and the bonds that have been formed. There's truly nothing like it. So often, I look back on the first day that we were all crammed into one room. We sat as complete and total strangers. I never thought that I would come to love so many people in one room! Maybe it's because these people see me the same way I see myself. Or maybe it's because the last year has been a year of complete awakening and everything just looks better through these lenses! Regardless of the reason, I have met some completely amazing people here at school.
I find myself now at the beginning of my sixth quarter. This happened so quickly. It's amazing what you can accomplish in one year. I can only imagine what will happen this year. It's like I have a much more clear, defined idea of what I want my life to be after this is all said and done. Not only do I know what I want it to be, but I feel like I have the tools and the talent to make it happen. The odd thing is that it doesn't seem so far out of reach. It's like sometimes I see it in other people. And I look at them and think that I am on my way to living that.
As I get reacquainted with my life in Atlanta, it's impossible not to reflect on the past decade that got me to where I am today. It's all a combination of the some of the best and absolute worst decisions I've ever made. What's weirder is that spending time in Virginia over the break afforded me the opportunity to physically revisit the birthplace of said decisions! I spent an afternoon in Richmond--where I spent most of my undergraduate days. There's an allure to that city that's hard for many to pass up. It's small, quaint, and extremely affordable. But it's fraught with limits and narrow-minded attitudes. I describe much of my experience in Richmond to be dark, cold, and lonely. To revisit the city as the person I am today turned out to be so haunting. I have absolutely no desire now to return to that city. I eventually made it back up to Northern VA. It's about 2 hours north of Richmond, but is clearly worlds away. The same haunting feeling rushed back as I drove past my old office and my old apartment. Such sadness. Being back up in Northern VA again only solidified in my mind that I will never have to live there again. I know not why I feel the need to bring this up, but as I mentioned in my preface--I've had a bit to drink tonight!
I bought a new area rug for my workspace today. I completely love this rug. It's taken me a year to justify this purchase. I know if my father were to find about this new purchase I would never hear the end of it! That's why if/when he comes to visit, I'll have to tell him it's my new roommate's rug! But this rug is awesome. It's 100% wool. And as weird as it may sound, the way I feel tonight can be equated with the way it feels to walk across a brand new rug in new socks. There's such a soft comforting feeling that you get. And it'll only last for a little while. So you had better take notice, or it will pass right over you. And be lost forever.
I love nights like tonight. As cliched as it may sound, I feel like I'm on the verge of a new great phase of my life--there have been so many!!! But right now, tonight, I love being at school, and I love all the people I've met and the bonds that have been formed. There's truly nothing like it. So often, I look back on the first day that we were all crammed into one room. We sat as complete and total strangers. I never thought that I would come to love so many people in one room! Maybe it's because these people see me the same way I see myself. Or maybe it's because the last year has been a year of complete awakening and everything just looks better through these lenses! Regardless of the reason, I have met some completely amazing people here at school.
I find myself now at the beginning of my sixth quarter. This happened so quickly. It's amazing what you can accomplish in one year. I can only imagine what will happen this year. It's like I have a much more clear, defined idea of what I want my life to be after this is all said and done. Not only do I know what I want it to be, but I feel like I have the tools and the talent to make it happen. The odd thing is that it doesn't seem so far out of reach. It's like sometimes I see it in other people. And I look at them and think that I am on my way to living that.
As I get reacquainted with my life in Atlanta, it's impossible not to reflect on the past decade that got me to where I am today. It's all a combination of the some of the best and absolute worst decisions I've ever made. What's weirder is that spending time in Virginia over the break afforded me the opportunity to physically revisit the birthplace of said decisions! I spent an afternoon in Richmond--where I spent most of my undergraduate days. There's an allure to that city that's hard for many to pass up. It's small, quaint, and extremely affordable. But it's fraught with limits and narrow-minded attitudes. I describe much of my experience in Richmond to be dark, cold, and lonely. To revisit the city as the person I am today turned out to be so haunting. I have absolutely no desire now to return to that city. I eventually made it back up to Northern VA. It's about 2 hours north of Richmond, but is clearly worlds away. The same haunting feeling rushed back as I drove past my old office and my old apartment. Such sadness. Being back up in Northern VA again only solidified in my mind that I will never have to live there again. I know not why I feel the need to bring this up, but as I mentioned in my preface--I've had a bit to drink tonight!
I bought a new area rug for my workspace today. I completely love this rug. It's taken me a year to justify this purchase. I know if my father were to find about this new purchase I would never hear the end of it! That's why if/when he comes to visit, I'll have to tell him it's my new roommate's rug! But this rug is awesome. It's 100% wool. And as weird as it may sound, the way I feel tonight can be equated with the way it feels to walk across a brand new rug in new socks. There's such a soft comforting feeling that you get. And it'll only last for a little while. So you had better take notice, or it will pass right over you. And be lost forever.
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