I am so fucking frustrated I could just scream!
I had my first class in book making last night. We made an accordion fold book. It wasn't as hard as I thought. But since I have spent the last fucking 6 + years of my life avoiding all things creative, I do not have a viable skill set to save my life. That said, I thought it would be a GREAT idea for me to try to make another book just like the one I did last night. Thinking, of course, that the more I do this the easier it'll get. BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT. The more I do this the angrier and more frustrated I get. For those of you who say that bookmaking is soothing and relaxing, I invite you to spend a few hours in my head, and I assure you'll find that it's all but soothing and relaxing.
As I sit down to even write this blog, I can see and hear the disappointment of my last critique panel as they try not to vomit all over my pathetic attempt at a clamshell box (of which I made FIVE of to try to get it right!!!). I know that as a 5th quarter designer my weak craft is pretty much a sin, as if making a poorly crafted box in your 5th quarter can easily be equated with taking a shit right in the middle of church. This shit comes soooo much easier to everybody else in my quarter. Those who were fortunate enough to embrace their creative side at an early age and cultivate into what it is today can pull shit out of their ass and make a perfectly bound book out of it. It's like for every step they take forward, I have to work twice as hard to just get to where they are, and I seldom feel as though I am on par with them. And I know I shouldn't compare myself to other people, especially people who have been doing this a hell of a lot longer then me. But in this PC culture, I can't help but feel like a lesser designer because I can't fucking glue two sheets of paper together without fucking it up.
9 comments:
Kev, you need to calm down!!!
1. Yes the fuck you are creative, so stop saying you aren't. That will only get you drunk.
2. I emphathize with the too far behind everyone else. That was me in my grad program. WAY behind everyone else's understanding of pretty much all things music. I promise, it won't necessarily get easier, but you will learn to deal and use your newness to your advantage.
3. Use your newness to your advantage. In some ways, having less experience means you have less baggage in the creative zone (HA! Bet you'd never consider YOURSELF to have less baggage!). You have fewer of the preconceived notions about creativity than those who have been doing this for years. Which can give you an edge to come up with something truly different, unique, and yes creative.
Those people may be able to pull shit out of their ass and make it into a perfectly bound book, but if it's made of shit, its still gonna stink.
My little Nebula,
Your head is going to spin off your neck if you aren't careful. DONT STRESS, this shit is supposed to be fun, and you will get better at it, do the best you can and be patient with yourself.
I leave with you a quote from the conference,
"There will always be someone who is better than you, but never anyone who is exactly like you."
xoxoxoxo
izzer
My little Nebula,
Your head is going to spin off your neck if you aren't careful. DONT STRESS, this shit is supposed to be fun, and you will get better at it, do the best you can and be patient with yourself.
I leave with you a quote from the conference,
"There will always be someone who is better than you, but never anyone who is exactly like you."
xoxoxoxo
izzer
My little Nebula,
Your head is going to spin off your neck if you aren't careful. DONT STRESS, this shit is supposed to be fun, and you will get better at it, do the best you can and be patient with yourself.
I leave with you a quote from the conference,
"There will always be someone who is better than you, but never anyone who is exactly like you."
xoxoxoxo
izzer
I feel the same way. Even though I'm a writer-the way I present my work is sometimes just as important (at least at P.C.). My craft is pretty crapy, but I have noticed an improvement since my first quarter. I'm sure you've improved as well. If you've got a great concept, the craft will eventually come in time.
I agree with Chrissy. You can only get better. You just got to keep at it. Incidentally, thanks for the heads up about the binding class. Damn, I can't wait!!!
with craft, i think the more you do it, the better you'll get. it's still frustrating. everything of mine had to be just perfect, and i never got bagged for it, but there were people way better than me. people who seemed to love making comps and cutting things with an x-acto that had its blade switched every 3 cuts. i used a box cutter. and i didn't change my blades until i absolutely had to.
some people just have it in them to be perfect compers. ideas are always going to be more acceptable if they are presented well. bad craft can derail any project, no matter how good. that said, at least you know about it. and at least you care. just keep at it and you'll be cool.
bookbinding is also great for those same natural compers. and it is somehow relaxing for them. with me, no project ever is. it's not full of stress, necessarily, but it's always intense.
My craft is on par, but it takes me about seven times as long as someone with appropriate skills (I knew I should've taken the +2 to Constitution instead of +1 to Charisma. Hubris kills you every time).
I find the best way to get through things is to work around them. I use scraps of matteboard for templates for EVERYTHING. Each studio week, I have a collection of mat templates that are 2" wide by 2" tall, or whatever dimension I'm using at the time.
I use slits of paper to hinge things together to hide the fact they can't come together naturally.
And Xyron. I recently discovered this -- go to Sam Flax and ask about it. It is an alternative to spray mount and damnit, if it were a woman, I'd marry it.
Stop being so hard on yourself. It's not nice.
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