Modern Marvels: We're All Gonna Die

I made the mistake of watching the History Channel's documentary about the prophetic end to time and the world as we know it. Complete with computer animation, ominous music, and a deep-voiced narrator, this macabre infotaining television program informed me of my own demise. My first thought: "well I guess it really won't kill me to have a Wendy's #4, no onions, with a coke because the earth will pretty much swallow me whole!" The "documentary" went on to inform me that the Mayan calendar actually stops on December 12, 2012. There is also an ancient chinese book called the I Ching (not be confused with iching) that also stops on this same date. Scientists have predicted that the earth will engage in a polar shift causing the entire inside of the earth to quake and turn. It's safe to say that after hearing about all of this I was pretty much freaked out because this would all take place when I'm 32!

Then again, there have been prophetic predictions of the world's demise for as long as stupid people are willing to believe other morons. We all remember the Y2K scare!? But to further illustrate this point, here are a list of other dates that world was supposed to have ended, according to an article in the New York Times Magazine by BENJAMIN ANASTAS (7/1/07):

Gnostics predicted the imminent arrival of God’s kingdom as early as the first century
Christians in Europe attacked pagan territories in the north to prepare for the end of the world at the first millennium
The Shakers believed the world would end in 1792
There was a “Great Disappointment” among followers of the Baptist preacher William Miller when Jesus did not return to upstate New York on Oct. 22, 1844.
The Jehovah’s Witnesses have been especially prodigious with prophetic end dates: 1914, 1915, 1918, 1920, 1925, 1941, 1975 and 1994.

I even found the "official website" of the world's end: www.december212012.com And be sure to check out the online store, where you can purchase several well designed t-shirts that say things like 12.21.12 or "Shift Happens"--I wish I could've sat in on that meeting!!! Also available on messenger bags, baseball caps, tank tops, and jersey-shirts that looks like old baseball uniforms. Unbelievable!







I can just picture some dumbass at an amusement park wearing one of these shirts and eating a giant turkey leg!