I had an interesting conversation with my sister Kelly about work and family and how to prioritize the two. Kelly is the oldest of my four siblings. I am the second oldest--how "middle-child syndrome" does that sound! Kelly is also a musical genius who just completed her graduate degree at the Manhattan School of Music for jazz composition. I am sure there are other impressive titles attached to her degree, but unfortunately I don't know them, nor do I honestly understand them (sorry Kelly). Her work ethic is uncanny in addition to her commitment to family.
Here's a non-verbatim recap of our conversation:
Kelly: Why the fuck aren't you coming home for Thanksgiving (okay...I added the fuck part....Kelly hardly ever uses bad words when she talks to me)
Kevin: Well, I'm afraid that coming home for Thanksgiving will be a "rushed" trip that will put me behind in my school work, and I'd prefer to just work through Thanksgiving to keep myself on track and then come home for Christmas when I can truly relax and enjoy being at home.
Kelly: BULLSHIT--taking a day off will only put you behind if you let it. Just manage your time and keep yourself from falling into that trap--I did it for every holiday when I was in grad school. I'm sure your work load is insane, but mine was too. Look, I understand the meaning and purpose of being in a good work flow and keeping it going. You're totally underestimating your ability to keep yourself on track.
Kevin: ________________________________________________________________________________________(long pause; which I usually take when someone has just slapped me with some reality)
Kelly: Besides, at Brent's Wedding, your presence was definitely missed. Because, bottom line, you make me laugh, and it's always more fun when you're around. (Brent is our cousin who was recently married on October 7th, the first weekend of my first quarter at PC--it was also the weekend of my first 2 all nighters).
Kevin: [blushing a little].....yeah i know, aren't I the most awesome---I mean--Reeaaaallly?????!!!!
Kelly: This isn't a power play, I promise. ("power plays" are a constant underlying theme that run deep in my family's decision making process. If at any point one of us thinks the other is taking advantage of the other or trying to control the other, we will automatically resist and argue for the sake of arguing).
Kevin: I think you're arguing this for the sake of arguing!
Kelly: We all just want you to come home. Bottom line.
Kevin: Understood, I'll revaluate my work load and see if I can find a way to make it work. Which means I’ll be going home for Thanksgiving?
But that got me thinking about work and family. I've always lived pretty close to home and never really had an over-demanding work load like I do now. I was always able to come home when I needed to. Sometimes I still think I'm just a 30 minute drive away from seeing my mom and dad.
But at what point do you put your work aside and put family first? I don't know that I have a clean cut answer for that one. I don't know that anyone does. I imagine a lot of people struggle with this issue. And is it considered selfish to put your work before family? When I first made the decision to stay in Atlanta for Thanksgiving, I was aware that I was acting selfishly, but in my mind, it was a "healthy" type of selfishness. However, after realizing what my older sister went through to make it home for holidays when she was in school, it seemed incredibly selfish for me to put work first. I know that if Kelly didn't come home then I would be disappointed too. I'd be disappointed in her for not finding a way to make it work.
I think I'm also starting to realize how strong our family can be when we're all together, and how the family dynamic changes when one of is missing.
Alrght-Alrighty: roll the credits and que the sappy 80's sitcom theme music!)
9 comments:
i missed my 2nd quarter thanksgiving when i was out at pc as well. but my parents had gotten divorced five years before, so i tried to avoid as many holidays as i could. just because it wasn't the same and it wasn't ever going to be. i wouldn't even go have thanksgiving with other people. but i also didn't go because i was slammed with work and it was towards the end of the quarter.
if you want to go and hang out with the family, do it. you can rearrange your work load. you'll find a way because you'll have to. you can even bring some of the work home with you and get your family to help. my second pc thanksgiving, i did go home and i had my brother-in-law putting together a model airplane and a model car and building banner poles for my olympic branding class. he loved it. he was also sad that i didn't have any more models for him to build.
i'm sure your family would be good paper cutters.
hmmmm my family, sharp objects, and a bottle of Jack.........this could potentially have a happy ending....
dave werner posted an interesting speech by steve jobs on his blog: http://okaysamurai.com/. you should definitely check it out.
kev, your recap was hilarious and right on the money! i'm SOOOO glad you're coming home- maybe its because as the oldest, i've had more time away, but i really do miss the four of us hanging out! i have confidence in you- you will make it all work, because as minus five said above, you'll have too. you may even have time for a game of bottles...!
You should go home. But if you leave me here for Thanksgiving you better bring me a turkey leg...and cranberry sauce. Non of that canned cranberry crap you gave your nanna last year.
maybe i'll just give you my nanna!
You're quite the good son, Kevin.
...maybe I'll give you my nanna!!?? Do really think that's funny Mr. Fenton!? The least you could have commented on is the cranberry sauce......geez-Us. By the way, I don't see no fauxhawk in that wide-eyed face of yours!
For God's sake, Kevin. I'm sitting right next to you at my desk. Just turn around and talk to me. I mean, I can smell you from here, he, he.
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